The opener you write, the topics you pick, the way you respond — all of it signals what kind of conversation you're looking for. And people respond accordingly.
Surface openers attract surface conversations.
If your first message is 'hey,' you'll mostly get surface-level replies. The depth you want in a conversation has to show up in how you begin it.
Curiosity is a magnet.
Genuinely curious people attract curious people. Not because it's a strategy — because curiosity is contagious. When you're interested, they get interesting.
Your patterns repeat.
If you keep ending up in the same kinds of unsatisfying conversations, it's worth asking what role you're playing in creating them. Usually, there's one thing to change.
Be who you want to meet.
The simplest rule in conversation: show up as the kind of person you want to talk to. Warm, genuine, curious, present. You'll start attracting exactly that back.